Pointless Update

Reunión Furby I

Reunión Furby I (Photo credit: alvarezperea)

Update on my “pointless” list – a kind reader has given me my first (and last) onesie – fortunately for me it does not have novelty headgear too – but all the same it is a onesie probably best described as resembling a snow leopard.  Now I love the person who gave me this onesie but I can confirm that I look more than faintly ridiculous in it and I definitely look like an overgrown giant baby (not my favourite look).  One thing I had not appreciated before I owned such a must-have garment is how flipping hot it is inside one of these onesies.  I started to sweat profusely within about 5 minutes – a sweating snow leopard in a babygrow – not a pretty sight!  I have to admit to being slightly fascinated by the speed with which these onesies are flying off the shelves this Christmas – who (apart from my friend) is buying them? Imagine if you were an alien arriving on earth for the first time and you were greeted by the sight of giant babies wearing all-in-one, furry, faux animal outfits – I’m fairly sure if it was me, I would turn right round again and return from where I came, very disturbed by the sight I had just witnessed.

On the subject of Christmas shopping, I am also very distressed at the return of that hideous creature the “Furby” – who thought it was a good idea to bring it back for this Christmas season for god’s sake?  To add insult to injury this ugly, little monster retails at well over £50.  Sometimes I really do think I live in a parallel universe to everyone else.  I get Peppa Pig (regular readers will know I am actually a little partial to a bit of Peppa Pig) but Furbies – they are wrong, all wrong.

I’m on a roll now…one last bugbear (bah humbug!)…football kits for kids.  My boys support Arsenal.  I know nothing about Arsenal – a deliberate ploy to prevent me from ever having to discuss football leagues with my children or worse go and watch matches with them.  An aside, the only thing I find vaguely interesting – actually rather pleasing in an odd way – is that the Arsenal Boss is called Arsene – almost poetic.  Anyway, my problem is very simple, premiership football teams change their football strip (home and away) every season so I am forced to buy new football strips every season too.  These football strips are not only deeply unpleasant to look at but they are also extortionately expensive.  In my view, these premiership teams are committing daylight robbery by hiking the prices of these kits way beyond their value because we poor unsuspecting parents, ever keen to encourage our offspring into supporting a team, are forced to buy them on an annual basis (last year’s strip is so passé) in order not to embarrass poor little Johnny in front of his mates.

So there you have it, rant over for the day.  You could be forgiven for thinking I complain about everything.  Well I do, I guess, but only with good reason, and actually those who know me will testify that I can be nice too!




Pointless (TV series)

Pointless (TV series) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I decided this afternoon that I would compile a list of the things which I think are entirely pointless.  What is the point of this you may well ask?  Well there is no point, it is in itself pointless but it will almost certainly make me feel better!  I guess it is along the lines of my “things I find irritating” list  – I am hoping perhaps that by expressing these pointless things, I might at some point be able to focus on slightly more important matters like world peace etc (or perhaps I will just find another list of things to compile).  So here it is and please feel free to add as you think appropriate – one caveat – this list is by no means exhaustive but is merely a snapshot of what springs to mind as utterly pointless.

  • wasps – what or who actually benefits from the existence of wasps?  I have wracked my brain and come up with absolutely no-one or anything. They contribute, as far as I know, the sum total of nothing to anyone’s life.  Quite the opposite in fact, they detract from the quality of my life, particularly from enjoying lunch al fresco on one of those rare days in this country when the sun peers from behind the clouds.
  • various body parts – to be precise I am referring to tonsils, appendix and male nipples.  I can honestly say I have never heard anyone, or in the case of nipples any man, say “thank god for my tonsils/appendix/nipples – I would never have survived without them – it was touch and go and thanks to them I pulled through”.
  • “Onesies” – please someone explain to me why any fully-grown person would want to dress themselves in an adult version of a babygrow?  What could possibly be attractive or remotely appealing about looking like an oversized baby.  To be perfectly honest, I actually find “onesies” rather creepy.  I reserve particular distaste for novelty “onesies” – is it not bad enough that an adult thinks it is appropriate to dress head to toe in one piece of material (because it so so cosy) without adding novelty ears/antlers or whatever?
  • Parsley garnish on restaurant food – don’t get it.  Who eats it?  I have never seen anyone eat parsley garnish.  The first thing everyone does is remove it to the side of their plate.  I don’t have a problem with parsley per se but just its use as a totally pointless addition to a perfectly good dish of food.  The only reason in my mind ever to garnish with parsley is if you were trying to cover up a rather unpleasant plate of food or one where presentation is rather lacking.
  • “Baby on Board” signs in the back window of cars – am I the only person who finds such notices so smug, irritating and pointless that it has the opposite effect on me – I actually drive closer to the car displaying the sign rather than keeping my distance and I find myself feeling irresistibly drawn to swearing more than any mother of 3 of a certain age should do decently.
  • Celery – the most pointless foodstuff of all time.  It tastes revolting and adds absolutely nothing to anything.  Apparently you lose calories eating it but that just has to be one of those urban myths designed to make you feel better about something so pointless in the same vein as being really sick in pregnancy  is a sign of a strong pregnancy – seriously?
  • Limbo dancing – don’t get me wrong, I like dancing, in fact I like it a lot.  However, I fail to see the point in bending backwards progressively to a more extreme degree in order to get under a horizontal bar.  Why?  What does it prove except that some people are more bendy than others?
  • The recorder – how many world famous recorder players can you name?  None.  I rest my case.
  • Bus timetables – buses never arrive on time so why is it helpful to know when a bus should have arrived but didn’t?
  • Teaching children to say “thank you” – “aha, strange one” you are thinking.  I am not saying that gratitude is unimportant – quite the opposite – but that trying to teach our children to say “thank you” is a pointless way of expressing it.  Saying “thank you” is clearly counter-instinctive for humans as this can be the only explanation as to why it appears to be the hardest thing of all for children to learn.  If only our ancestors had dispensed of this customary way of expressing gratitude, I could have saved an awful lot of time and energy saying to my children after nearly every utterance, “What do you say?  What’s the magic word?” – in my case I reckon on average 20 times a day for the last 8 years. Compared to algebra or the like, it is hardly a difficult concept to grasp but I have yet to meet a child who has mastered this simple response.
  • Non-alcoholic wine – completely self-explanatory, I think.

That’s it for now.  I am going to help myself to a glass of wine, weighed down with a high alcohol content, and ponder the pointlessness of spending time compiling a list of utterly pointless things.